For
three years I Executive Produced a morning radio talk show, years that were
filled with booze, strippers, and a severe lack of sleep. My alarm would
usually go off at 3:30 in the morning, a schedule you never get used to.
Rather, waking up at this hour forces you to get used to a constant state of
being tired. Somewhere in the middle of this run I found myself exhausted and
stressed beyond comprehension, and wanted a getaway that was unique, relaxing
and near warm waters with good surf. I was inspired partly by these Corona commercials that
kept showing a couple sitting near the beach, doing nothing but relaxing.
Suffering from severe burnout, I settled on a trip to Tahiti.
My friend James agreed to go with me, as he wanted to get his scuba diving
license and found Tahiti to be a place that's
perfect for this.
While the internet did exist at this time, it wasn't nearly as full of
valuable information then as it is today, especially when it came to surf
knowledge. All I knew about Tahiti was that it was tropical, the water was
warm, the women were supposedly beautiful, they spoke different languages
thanks in large part to the French owning the islands, and based off images I
saw in surf magazines, the waves looked perfect. Turned out the waves were
indeed perfect, if you were one of the best surfers in the world and could
conquer one of the most dangerous waves in the world, Teahupoo. I was not one
of the best surfers in the world, and on top of that I didn't find a single
surf shop anywhere that could rent me a surfboard.
Furthermore, the travel agent (travel websites like Priceline and
Travelocity barely existed back then) told us that the resorts we were going to
were full of singles. I still resent her for lying to us like that.
The journey took us to both the main island
of Tahiti, and the beautiful island of Moorea. French
Polynesia is an amazingly beautiful place. If you go, makes sure
it's for your honeymoon.
A Letter from Moorea, Tahiti
Since everyone here talks French (and I lost my French translation book, which
blows) I say Bonjour and Comment Tallez-Vous (which means, "How are your
bitch asses?").
Tahiti is about as tropical as it gets.
Unbelievably beautiful fish when you go snorkling (the beach is literally right
outside your hotel room). The sun here is vicious, due mainly to our proximity
to the equator. As a result, I'm suffering from a painful sunburn. With the
warm clear waters all around us, good times though. A major storm hit us one
day, which actually gave me reprieve since I was able to avoid the sun and heal
my burned-to-the-crisp skin.
I finished reading a great book during the storm, oddly enough written by
comedian Steve Martin. It's called The Pleasure of My Company. It's a
short book, a real delight though. It's about someone with a major case of OCD
who slowly starts to overcome his disorder. Highly recommended read.
One day we rented a car to explore the island. Turns out Captain Cook visited
this island, as there are a lot of references to his name. There's even a bay
called Cook Bay named after him. I guess he visited
the place and had a large effect on the local populace. We checked out some
monuments in his honor, and hiked the jungle, where a lot of ancient artifacts
are still intact dating hundreds of years. Cool shit.
Major downsides to this trip are that there are pretty much nothing but
honeymooners around here, everything is unbelievably overpriced, and there is
no surf. Aside from a group of Aussies we hung out with the first couple of
nights when we were on the main island
of Tahiti, totally quiet
scene. The Aussies were here getting ready to be performers on a cruise ship
for six months. One of them was really hot, if only we didn't split off from
them. At least I'll be uber-relaxed upon return.
Hope all is well back at the states, talk to y'all soon.
Au revoir, bitches.
Cyrus
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